The Lion And The Dandelion
by Phanic-At-The-Chemical-Fallout
Summary: Phanfiction... I dunno.
1. Pilot

_Scroll, click, scroll_. Nothing good in Tumblr tonight, except for a few pictures of Phil and me with terrifying edits. Tumblr: where normal comes to die.

But at 3:27 am, there's nothing else to do. I don't want tea. It's too late for a video. I'll be awake until 7 if I play video games. Although I don't want to wake him up, I need someone to talk to. "Little Lion?" I say softly. Nothing. I open his door a little bit more. There's a note.

 _Went to get more tea. Be back soon. -Phil_

He never goes out of the house like this. There's not even a supermarket near us that's open at this time. This isn't normal. Phil doesn't even drink tea this late. Now, there's officially nothing for me to do. I'll take a walk. Nothing goes wrong when you decide to take a stroll at 3:31 am. Said no one ever. I put on my shoes and hoodie. I open the door. In front of me is the most horrible sight.

A car smashed hard into a tree right in front of the house. The car is sideways, too, and a fire is starting in the back. I try to shake the image out of my head and turn the other way. But then I notice the car looks an awful lot like ours. And then I see bloody tea bags. And Phil's head poking out of the broken window.

That's when I called 999.

And the ambulance came.

And my Little Lion was dying.

And I couldn't do anything about it.


	2. Chapter 1

The doctors and nurses talk around me like I don't hear them.

"Change the TV to a Buffy The Vampire Slayer re-run."

"Don't give him cheese, he hates it."

"He lost the remote that changes the bed postion again, god damn it."

"Why does he want a Sharpie cat face?"

"Contact Mr. Howell, tell him Phil is awake."

The nurses found the remote for the bed and changed the position so I was propped upright. They tried drawing a cat face on me, but they couldn't do it properly because of the oxygen mask. As I'm watching Buffy kissing Spike, I think of Dan. They called him five minutes ago. He should be here by now. Did something happen to him? Did the car break down or is there traffic or-

"PHIL!"

Dan charges through the door and trips. The nurses lightly grab his shoulders and try to lift him up, but he shakes them off. He stands up, looks straight into my eyes, and runs towards me. He lifts up my oxygen mask and kisses me. Slobber and tongues and everything. He then realized I couldn't breathe and he put down the mask. "What's on your face?" Dan asks, trying to fix his messy hair. "Cat whiskers," I croaked. "No, Phil. Those are just 3 lines on your cheeks," he murmurs. He gets a little wipe and rubs off the whiskers gently. Dan, being prepared for this visit, pulls out a black Sharpie. He does my whiskers and the nose with one swift lift of the mask.

Dan grabs a chair and scoots it as close to my bed as possible. He smiles wide as he carefully puts the Sharpie in my hand. "Can you do mine?" He requests. I uncap the marker and try to make it as neat as possible. His nose is just a big scribble and his whiskers are long squiggly lines, but he doesn't seem to care. He puts the Sharpie back in his pockets. I intertwine my fingers in his as we watch Buffy. "So," Dan says, "Do you know what happened a week ago?" I really don't. The last thing I remember was losing control of the car. I just woke up this morning, and no one has talked to me about what happened that night. "No," I wheezed. "You got in a terrible car crash," Dan whispered, tears forming in his eyes.

I try to hold his hand tighter, but I'm too weak. He strokes my fingers. "I thought you were dead, Phil. I thought it was too late," Dan muttered, his tears flowing over his whiskers. I wanted to tell him so many things. But all that came out was: "I love you, my Dandelion". "I love you too, my Lion," Dan said. He pulls out a brush and starts to fix my hair for me. He opens his backpack and pulls out Lion and one of our big Totoro plushies from home and places them next to me. "Hashtag 'Pray for Phil' was trending all week on Twitter," Dan says, grabbing my bed remote. He props me up so high, it's like I'm sitting. "What are you doing?" I squawk. "We're going to do a YouNow," Dan utters. I grunt. The last thing I want to do is let people see me like this.

"Hello Internet!" Dan exclaims, staring at the phone. "Phil, would you like to say hello?" I use my good arm and lift up my mask as he turns the phone to me. "Hello!" I say. My throat hurts from talking like normal. I slide the mask back on as Dan turns the phone away. "So," Dan starts, "If you don't know, Phil got into a car accident about a week ago and was in a coma until this morning. It kinda blew up on Twitter. So he broke... wait, what did you break, Phil?" "Um, I broke both of my legs and my left middle finger," I mumble. "His legs and his left middle finger, for the people who didn't hear," Dan repeats. "And we're at the hospital now, just... doing nothing... um, ask questions, I guess!" Dan exclaims. He answers questions for about an hour, saying "Phil can't answer any questions right now!" at least 10 times. Finally, he signs off. The doctor comes in and tells Dan he can't stay any longer because visiting hours are over. He gives me a kiss on the forehead and tells me he'll be back tomorrow.

It's just me, Lion, and Totoro now. The Twiggy Three. Even though Totoro is basically the opposite of twiggy. And Lion isn't very skinny, either. "Um... nurse?" I croak. "Yes, Phillip?" the American nurse says, popping her head through the door. "Can we change the channel?" I mumble. "Um, yeah. Sure. What do you want to watch?" She asks. "Anything works." I say, my voice wispy. But wispy is better than hoarse. She turns it on to a random comedy channel. "Want me to fix your bed, too?" I nod. She puts the bed back down. "One more thing," I say. "What's up, hun?" The nurse says. "Isn't Dan allowed to stay at the hospital on a cot?" I ask, holding Lion tight. "Lemme check," the nurse says, flipping through a large binder. "Um... oh, okay. Yes. 'One person may stay over night with the patient for the rest of their visit if they have been in a coma for 3 days or longer.' Want me to contact him?" The nurse asks. I nod. "Alright, hun," The nurse says, dialing Dan's number.

"Mr. Howell? No no no, everything's fine. But, um, by hospital rules, you are allowed to sleep overnight with Phil. Yes, I'll tell him. Alright. See you in 10."

"Dan says he's going to embarrass you. I dunno what that means, but I'm staying for it," the nurse says, plopping down in a seat across the room. We watch the comedy channel while we wait for Dan. It's really just an old man saying cheap jokes while a SFX plays fake laughter. After extra 5 minutes of wondering where Dan is, he bursts through the door wearing onesie pyjamas and a smile. "SLEEPOVER!" Dan shouts, holding up a pillow. The nurse laughs so hard she falls out of her chair. She quickly gets back up and pulls out a cot from the closet, still laughing. Dan drags it next to my bed. "Alright. The name's Jordyn. Call me over if you need something, hun," The nurse says, walking out of the room. "I come with more presents for the Lion!" Dan exclaims. He puts a small "Get Well Soon!" balloon next to my bed. He puts my phone and laptop on the nightstand. "I think that's it," Dan says. He puts a sleeping bag and his pillow on the cot. "Okay then!" I chuckle.

After an hour of talking and laughing and kissing at much as I can with these crappy lungs of mine, another nurse comes in. "Okay, Phillip. We gotta try something," she says. Dan lets go of my hand but stays close to the bed. "Alright. You're going to try and breathe with out the mask," she says. "Take a deep breath-" I inhale sharply, "Okay," she says, lifting the mask. All the air comes out of me like a deflated balloon. The nurse just stares. Dan comes in quickly, putting the mask down. He puts a gentle hand on my heart and starts to scream profanities at the nurse. She leaves quickly. Dan gets Jordyn into the room. "What happened?' she asks, rushing towards my oxygen tank. "We tried to let him breathe normally," Dan says. Jordyn stares at him like he's insane. "Why would they try to take him off oxygen if he just woke up this morning?" Jordyn asks. Dan eyes widen as rubs the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "I don't know," he admits, pulling his fingers through his hair, "But I didn't have any power to stop her, right? I don't have authority against a nurse."


	3. UPDATE

I'M SO FUCKING SORRYYYY

I've been really stressed out with school as of late. I spend my free time having my mid-life crisis these days. I wanna get more chapters done over my Christmas break. Expect more chapters soon. 3


	4. Chapter 2

"Dudeeee. Not funny," says Jordyn, staring at the TV. "Yes it was!" protests Phil. "Only women can say period jokes, 'cause they know the pain," she argues. "Bill Star can't say any better jokes these days, give him a break, Jordyn," I chime in, as Jordyn closes the door behind her. Bill Star is the comedian on television whom we have been listening to for 9 days. The hospital recently canceled all the good networks AND their DVR service (which means no more Buffy, unfortunately). Bill is an old man who is considered a "pioneer of comedy television" and therefore, his network wasn't cut off the hospital subscription list. Although he isn't funny, he is a lot better than telenovelas and the children's channel. Jordyn runs back in. "Commercial break?" she says hopefully. "Yup," announces Phil, swaying to the horrible theme song of "Timmy Tiger's Amusement Park". "Good, because I have your food."

Phil has lost the oxygen mask has completely regained his ability to talk and sit up by himself. Small steps, but still steps. As soon as his platter is put in front of him, I start munching on all the cheese products as a start mumbling the lyrics to the song:

 _Kids, get ready to have fun_

 _Play and eat in the sun_

 _Ride cool coasters and buy some items_

 _All this and more at Timmy Tiger's!_

"Aha! I knew you liked it!" exclaims Phil, a bright smile dancing across his face. "Please, Phil, I don't like shit," I say, as a commercial for a blender starts playing. Phil softly chuckles. He gets close to my neck, so close I can feel his breath tickling my hairs. "I know what else you don't like," he whispers menacingly and I cringe. "YA LIKE THAT, KATIE?" he laughs, pulling his fingers through my hair. "No I don't!" I say. I slide out my chair to avoid more breathing down my neck. "DAN!" shouts Phil. Jordyn snaps her head around. I look up at Phil. I've never seen him as alarmed as he is now, his eyes large and alert. I squint at him as I stand up and dust off my clothes. "What the hell, Phil?" I question, slowly sitting back into the moth-eaten chair. "Nothing" grunts Phil, waving his arm casually and turning the other direction. As soon as I walk into his gaze, he turns the other way. "I'm literally just gonna walk around the bed until you spit it out," I say, attempting to sound tough. But I just can't. His greasy black hair, his periwinkle eyes that seem to sparkle whenever I look at him, his smile that can melt your heart, his lips that seem to make you forget all your troubles as soon as they touch your own... I just can't get truly upset at Phil Lester.

I watch as a small tear lands on the cast plastering his left leg. It's grey, but Jordyn (who is really an amazing artist, by the way) decided to make a Totoro face on it, complete with a lime green leaf at the top. I crouch down so his face is level with mine. "Phil," I whisper, carefully intertwining his bruised fingers in mine. "I can't..." he mutters, ripping his fingers away and covering his face. It's looks as if Jordyn left quickly; her wallet and I.D. are still on Phil's nightstand. Slowly and cautiously I get close to his face, so close that I can feel his nose pressing against mine. So close that I can feel his tears run against my chin. So close I can hear him breathe. "Please..." I mutter. And in less than a second, I find myself deep in a kiss, grabbing the railing of the hospital bed. He loops his arms around my neck. His cast is scratchy and his body is shaking, but I could care less. In this moment, I truly realize how much I love him. Even though he is the best thing that's happened to me, I have trouble admitting everything.

 _I love Phil Lester._

 _He is my soulmate._

 _I'm gay._

After half a minute of kissing (37 seconds, to be exact) I pull away first. He glances up at me, those gorgeous blue eyes light up with excitement. "Truth is, I can't help thinking about it. The past 2 weeks have been horrendous for me... but for you..." He shakes his head. "I can't help imagining if we had switched places, ya know? If you were in the crash... like this," he motioned toward his body, bruised and burned and broken, "But I have horrible anxiety about it. Doctor says it's severe PTSD. I don't really doubt it at this point. Anyways... The reason I freaked out, is... well... I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want you to end like me, m'kay? I don't know what I'd do with myself, and I really don't want to add it to the list of things I think about." He fixes my hair and gives me a small kiss on the cheek before he lays down and falls asleep.

* * *

"hey, look, it's that mockingjay girl, she finally posted a chapter" -you, probably

The only reason I finished this is because I was sick today. XD Hope you have a great day (and don't forget to review, like, and follow)!


	5. Chapter 3

"Phil," grunts Dan, accidentally touching one of my leg casts. "Mmm?" I say, rolling over to the best of my ability to face him. We ended up falling asleep together, after a long night of binge-watching telenovelas. "I have to go," he says. He grips the side rails and climbs out, leaving the left side of the bed empty and warm. He puts on his shoes quickly. "But-" I start to object, but Dan cuts me off, "You know I would stay if I could. But I have things to do. Plus, you have to rest." I motion towards the bed. "We were just resting!" He raises his eyebrows. "Phil, you know what I meant," he says, swinging his backpack over his shoulder. He plants a quick kiss on my cheek. "Bye, my little Lion," he whispers. "Stay safe!" I call out, as he is about to close the door. He spins on his heel and gives me a small smile. "Of course," he says, finally closing the door behind him. "Fuck..." says Jordyn, coming into the room and leaning against the walls.

"Yes?" I say, almost sighing. Jordyn and I have become good friends, mostly because she keeps me company when Dan isn't around. In exchange, I have to listen to her complain about all her "shitty patients" who make her life absolutely miserable. It's more enjoyable than a punishment, though. Mostly, the stories are hilarious. "Okayyyyy..." she starts, and then she describes her experience with a little boy who constantly throws anything he can get his hands on. "He threw a pair of _scissors_ at you?" I ask in disbelief, my mouth stuck in an O-shape. "Yup," she rolls up her sleeve, revealing a small, red mark on her forearm. "Good news, though," Jordyn starts, grabbing the TV remote. I'm about to ask what she's doing, but then I realized she's flipping channels. That's when the red Netflix logo appears. "I saw them setting it up in the break room today. Don't let anyone know I showed you, it's not supposed to be used for patients." "If it's not for the patients, why are they getting it?" I say, scrolling through the Christmas movies with my good hand. "Movies," she scoffs.

Jordyn plops down into the chair closest to me. "Choose Rudolph," she says, pointing to the reindeer with a red nose. "What's that?" I ask. Jordyn stares blankly at me. "You've never heard of _Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer_?" she questions. "No..." I admit. Jordyn chuckles and hits play. It really is a cute movie. She taught me all the songs and the characters' best lines and all the Easter eggs. "You know..." starts Jordyn, once the final credits start rolling, "I feel kinda sorry. It feels pretty shitty to be in the hospital on Christmas Eve. Especially with upcoming surgeries." I whip my head around. "You... you've been in the hospital on Christmas Eve?" I ask. She nods. Even in my current messed up state, I feel an incredible amount of sympathy. "Cancer," she adds, scrolling through more holiday movies. I purse my lips as I glance at my reflection in the TV. "My family practically abandoned me. Didn't want to deal with me and the bills. Then, once I'm released, they suddenly adore me again," she says. "Bastards," I mumble. The corner of her mouth curls into a smile. "Indeed," she says, selecting _Frosty The Snowman._ This one is less enjoyable, either because the tension is thick between Jordyn and I or the fact that Frosty is the perfect definition of a cretin. Probably both.

Around 19:00, I find myself lonely and despondent. Jordyn was let off work to be with her girlfriend. My family is up North to celebrate, and Dan sent me a long text explaining that he can't come because the hospital doesn't allow anyone besides relatives to visit on Christmas-related holidays. I play some classic holiday music on my phone and start rubbing my fingers against my damaged body. The bruises and the cuts. The cast on my arm and the two on my legs. I realize that the upcoming year is going to be a bitch. _You're cursing a lot today_ , says my inner monologue. But it is. Meet-and-greets aren't an option. Another book would be too much stress. I wouldn't be able to do the BBC Radio 1 show. Collaboration videos are pretty much out of the equation, and I won't be able to do as many normal videos. All of our travel plans have been obliterated. My proposal plans to Dan are completely destroyed... We won't have enough money to pay off these hospital bills. I feel the first tear roll against my cheek. The burning hot raindrop of sadness, pain, stress, loneliness. Merely a touch compared to the brutal, searing pain of the storm bubbling inside me.

I can feel it again. The waves of agony flowing through me, covering every inch of me in throbbing pain. The ocean of tears falling on my body. The pounding feeling in my chest, the excursions of afflictions on my back. I bellow and howl for help, but all I hear is ringing. I grab the rails of the hospital beds in vain, nothing can save me from this ferocious trauma. My fingers twitch and my wrists become distorted, and soon my legs become mangled. A force clutches my throat and forces inward, causing me to heave quietly. Willowy fingers force themselves through my hair, ripping up a few as they pass. It doesn't take long for me to realize that I am the force. Time suspends itself for one breakneck moment, the longest of my life. My shivering body is covered in a mixture of blood, tears, vomit, and black hair. My remaining hair curtains my face, with tiny beads of sweat dangling from the ends. I attempt to shout again, but I can't even open my mouth. I see 5 people rush in. My eyes roll back into my head. _So this is how it all ends_ , says the voice in my head.

* * *

OH MY GOD THIS WAS BRUTAL.

Good news: I now have my own copy of TABINOF!


	6. Chapter 4

I sit like L from Death Note, covering my face with my hands.

"Dan, listen to me," mutters Phil. I stay still. "Dan," he repeats. "Shut... the _fuck_... up," I growl. There is a pause. "I-" "What did I just say, Phil?" I hiss. When I'm positive he's not looking at me, I glance at him. Phil's hooked up to more machines than ever and he's taking as many pills as legally possible. It's a horrible way to spend my Christmas morning, staring at my boyfriend in a hospital with seething hatred. I had to arrive late to my parents' house and turn back almost immediately. By the time I had arrived, Phil's family was already there. We stood and talked about the holidays and gifts and his heart failure. Ya know, fun stuff. At that time, Phil was still in surgery. He's been asleep for a while. In that long period of time, I started to realize how much this bothers me. My whole life- social and private- has been on hold. All because of a car crash. All because of _fucking tea leaves_. "I don't care if you're going to shut me up, I'm going to speak," says Phil.

I glance up at him again. His beautiful periwinkle eyes are soft with sorrow. "I can't help it, Dan," he murmurs, keeping his eyes low, "I can't help it that my body is reacting like this. If I could help it, I wouldn't have tubes connected to my wrists. I wouldn't have two broken legs. In fact, I wouldn't even be laying in a hospital bed!" He has a good point, I suppose. It's not like he chose to be in the hospital on Christmas. "But..." I start. Phil stares blankly at me, eyebrows raised. "I can't... fucking do this!" I screech. "I'm done with this bullshit! Money, life, you... I'm done!" Phil's eyes seem to pop out of their sockets. "Excuse me?" he asks, his voice burning with a certain fury I didn't know was within him. "You heard me, Phil Lester. I'm sick of having my heart shattered and picking up all the pieces alone! I'm sick of crying myself to sleep every night! I hate it!" I feel the tears slowly flowing over my cheekbones, but I don't care.

Phil lightly pulls me towards the bed and laces his fingers with mine. "Tell me what else you hate," he whispers. "I hate how I can't sleep and I hate how I'm so depressed. I hate the fact that I wasn't the one in the crash. I hate how you manage to smile even when you're half dead," I whisper. He drapes his broken arm over my neck. The plaster scratches against my hair. I know what he wants. Carefully and shakily, I climb over his body. I nuzzle my nose to his forehead, so my lips almost kiss his nose. "I hate how, instead of counting stars, I have to count your scratches. I hate how the house is so quiet now. I hate your perfect eyes and your dumb hair," I murmur. I move down slowly, so my lips graze his. I can smell his breath; minty like any other day. "But most of all, Phillip Michael Lester, the thing I hate most is how the beeping of the heart monitor completely ruins the mood," I utter.

 _ **AUTHOR NOTE: SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET SORT OF GROSS, SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.**_

He chuckles lightly, but I kiss him before he can say anything else. Phil tends to be very shy when we kiss, so I normally take the lead. I press very gently on his chapped lips, but he's quicker. He's already opening his mouth, but no tongue. It's nice, feeling his warmth hit my body again. I slowly put my tongue and start circling slowly. He does the same. Despite it being messy, it's pretty nice. He stops for a moment to breathe. "You okay?" I whisper. He nods. "Break?" I ask quietly. He quickly shakes his head. If he wants more, I'll give him more. I take the lead this time, giving him my all. He soon follows. He loops his arms around my neck as I run my fingers through his hair. I miss this feeling, the way he makes my heart burn with passion and love. And my mouth. My mouth burns too. I bite my lip but I don't stop. Phil's fingers slowly slide down to my chest, rubbing softly against my collarbones. "We need to talk," he whispers.

I back away so I'm sitting on my knees. "Again?" I whine. Phil gives a tired smile. "Yes, because... I'm concerned," he says, smoothing his hair down. What is he, a middle-aged dad? "How are we going to pay for everything?" he asks. I raise my eyebrows. "I... uh..." I scratch the back of my hair. "I haven't really thought of that," I say. I look down at my thighs ashamedly. "Hey hey hey, don't be like that," Phil says, grabbing my hand, "I hadn't either until yesterday." I glance up. He's smiling brightly, but it's obvious that he has no light behind his eyes anymore. "I just have to find a way," I mutter. "There _is_ no way, Dan," Phil says sadly. "Well, we do have some savings from TABINOF and TATINOF," I say, leaning back again. "And we do have our families..." Phil grunts in agreement. "I don't want to think about this right now," I mutter. "Then don't," Phil says, pulling me forward and kissing me again.


	7. I'M ALIVEEEE (UPDATE)

GUESS WHO'S ALIVE

ERICA IS

IF ANYONE IS HERE, ANYONE AT ALL

PLEASE COMMENT SOMETHING, ANYTHING

SORRY FOR ABANDONING THIS STORY

I'M BACK THOUGH

OKAY

BYE BYE SMOL BEANS


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